Dear Doc,

I’m on an 80mls meth script and I’ve been on it seven years. My sex life is nish and the wife is fed up. She thinks I’ve lost interest in her. I tell her it’s the juice. How can I explain things to her? She says if I’m telling the truth I should get my clinic to prescribe Viagra along with my meth. Would that help?

Boneless; Blackley

Dear Boneless,

Good question! By and large, opiates such as methadone and heroin lower testosterone levels and therefore reduce sexual desire. Curiously, some people say their sexual desire increases when they start methadone. This is probably a result of improved general health, if their lifestyle was pretty chaotic before starting methadone. Sensitivity in the penis can be reduced, with the result that it takes longer to come. This can be an advantage to some. Impotence is unusual, and is probably a result of lack of desire, rather than a direct effect of methadone on the nerves feeding the penis. Nonetheless, if you have problems getting a hard-on, Viagra should help you. The problem will be getting some out of your GP.
Frank Dobson, the Health Minister, is worried about the cost of Viagra to the NHS. He has laid down guidelines that it should only be prescribed to people with particular physical illnesses causing impotence, such as Parkinson’s disease, prostate cancer and kidney failure (but not including liver disease, which would be a good way in for many drug users). In exceptional circumstances, it may be prescribed to men caused “severe distress” by impotence, but only after “specialist assessment”. You could have a go at the “severe distress” angle, and try and get some support from the specialist at the drug clinic (the guidelines do not say which specialist should do the assessment!). Even if you get through these hurdles, you will be allowed only one tablet a week. This may be enough for Dobbo, but doesn’t sound much to me, particularly as women also get aroused by Viagra, and therefore you may be asked to share your supply. Having said all this, many GPs are ignoring the guidelines and prescribing anyway, but I suspect they are less likely to do so for drug users. It can only be a matter of time before rationing ends, and Viagra is freely prescribed. Until that happy day, it can be obtained from private doctors at large expense, and more cheaply on the black market at about £10 a tablet. Viagra should not be taken with amyl nitrite “poppers”, as the combination can lead to dangerous drops in blood pressure, and possibly strokes and heart attacks.

Incidentally, a survey revealed that many women are turned off sexually, if they know their partner’s erection is caused by a tablet. Luckily, recent research shows that Viagra also keeps flowers fresh for longer when dissolved in the water in the vase. This column’s romantic tip for the month: give her flowers, and if she finds Viagra in the cupboard, tell her it’s to stop the flowers drooping!


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