Poor (not in salary or police pension terms, you understand) Keith Hellawell. You finally served the purpose you were intended for. To act as a scapegoat for the crappy drugs strategy (copied directly from the US one) those civil servants handed to you the day you started. Now control of drugs is firmly in the hands of the Home Office. With David Blunkett as Home Secretary and Drugs Tsar combined, coupled with a National Treatment Agency run by a former Chief Probation Officer, the triumph of the drug war warriors over health approaches is almost complete.

But who will perform those jobs Keith used to do? Who's got a barnet like Keith's for a start? Who is going to go round the country telling school kids 'drugs are bad' now? Mr Blunkett will be too busy sacking senior dibble and persecuting asylum seekers and junkies to do that. A whole fucking generation could grow up thinking drugs are good, for Christ's sake. Fill that gap Tone! All you need is some old git with a top quiff, who can say, without laughing, things like "when I were a lad, I were that poor I couldn't afford drugs. So, think on, you kids! Stay poor and you'll stay straight. And remember children, if someone offers you drugs just say "Not for me, thanks. I’m going home to play with my crystal set".

Yes indeed. Keith won't be easy to replace. But, Keith lovers, don't worry. After Mr Blunkett gave him the hammer and tack, Tone gave him a consolation prize. A part-time job in the Foreign Office, tackling international drug trafficking. I bet the 'kingpins' of the global drug trade are getting worried. Goodbye Keith. You won't be missed round our way.